Cheesoscope of the Month: Gemini

Gemini (May 22 - June 21): The multitasker of the zodiac, you find it difficult to tackle just one issue at at time. Adaptable, versatile and a natural intellectual, you are terrified most by boredom - so how about you go for something wildly exciting and exotic from the market? Try évora: a spicy, fruity sheep's cheese from Portgual. This small cheese is made from raw sheep's milk that is immersed in salty brine then filtered through a mesh lining. The peppery, piquant flavor only gets stronger as it matures.

The Hoppy Couple

Screw wine. We're in a recession, guys. Besides, people like beer better anyway. Stop showing off, and just throw a beer & cheese party!

There's nothing like a delicious brew and some flavorful cheese to set the mood for a casual get-together with friends. Nothing screams "we are unsnobby and fun-loving" louder than a shared interest in beer bellies and stinky breath. And it seems as though beer has been gaining increasing popularity as a better complement to cheese than vino—perhaps because, as Chris George, seasoned cheese monger at Neal's Yard Dairy, notes, unlike wine and cheese, "if a beer and cheese combo doesn't work, it's less offensive because it's not as strong." George, who hosts regular cheese tasting events at the London fromagerie, also acknowledges the obvious price gap as an incentive for boozing it. When you're talking £2 for a bottle of beer as opposed to £30 for a bottle of wine, "You can experiment more because it's not going to break the bank." [Insert typical recession statement here.] Beer it is.

George avoids giving any hard-and-fast advice for pairing specific beers and cheeses, and instead prefers to dispense some general knowledge and let people experiment for themselves to see what flavor combos they enjoy best. "Your palate can change," he adds. When pairing, however, you typically want to keep an eye out for a brew with lots of alcohol, body, and sweetness.

If you're a virgin to the beer and cheese scene, your safest bet may be to stick with George's top three cheese-friendly picks for your soiree. The most versatile beers, he recommends, are Indian pale ales (IPA), Chimay ales, and porter beers. IPA tends to be pale to medium-colored, very hoppy and not too bitter. Its light carbonation, additionally, is quite palate-cleansing, especially useful given the high fat content of cheese. Chimay and other Belgian beers are lovely companions for washed-rind cheeses—pink, sticky, pungent cheeses like Epoisses, Muenster, Taleggio and Gruyere, for instance. Dark, sweet beers high in alcohol (look for ones that are 8.5% ABV), like Skull Splitter, Old Tom malts and Christmas keg, contrast well with blue cheeses; a Porter beer (a dark ale that's not as sweet nor high in alcohol) is a bit more versatile.

If you'd like to indulge in a little sophistication, Lucy Saunders, the beer expert and chef behind beercook.com, suggests assembling a good selection of cheese from each category (four to six varieties of cheese) for your party, accompanied by mild, bland crackers, like water crackers or toast rounds. In general, she recommends starting with more subtle cheeses and light-bodied beer, progressing to more intense, flavorful pairings. Check out beercook.com for some sweet recommendations from Ms. Saunders.

And to cap off the night after finishing off one too many six-packs, how about a round of cheese charades? (Yes, it's exactly what you think it is...and it's amazing.)

Cheesoscope of the Month: Taurus

Taurus (April 21 - May 21): You need order, security and self-assurance. You generally maintain very secure and stable relationships, but that may be because you're wary of change—you try to avoid chaos and indecision at all costs. Loosen up, dude. You don't like taking too many risks, so your best bet is a versatile, mild, run-of-the-mill cheese, like cheddar, which won't send you into a tizzy at first bite.

Hey, hey, Reypenaer

Hello, best cheese I've ever had in my life.

Let's revisit my March trip to Amsterdam so I may introduce to you this spectacular dairy delight:

Reypenaer (yea, I don't know how to pronounce it either), a sharp Dutch cheese similar in texture to Parmesan that's a bit nutty and gritty (like me) and that only gets better and tangier with age (also like me!). Emmy + Reypenaer = soulmatez 4eva.

Upon climbing out of the hash cloud encapsulating the city, I was motived to do further research about this indulgent wonder, only to find that it won the prize of Supreme Champion of the International Nantwich Cheese Show in the UK last year. Cool! It also snagged previous victories in 2007 and 2005.

I was lucky enough to sample Reypenaer in its various aged states at a lovely little cheese shop with a knack for presentation skills and a very friendly and knowledgeable staff. Check out Le Guillotin, a handy cutting board with a knife that can be adjusted with a clamp as to provide the cheese width you desire with ease. These quaint devices were also sold at the shop, and were so fun to use that, coupled with my innate human garbage-disposal abilities, I ended up nearly clearing the shop of their sampling cheeses.

Cheesoscope of the Month: Aries

Aries (March 21-April 20): Your energy and passion for everything you do has always resulted in grand achievements, especially at work. Your busy, pioneering nature may often lead to careless accidents in the form of cuts and bruises, so use caution when handling fire and metal objects. Opt for anything that doesn't involve wielding a knife—like string cheese or Babybel. Or, why not try your hand at making your own cheese, you entrepreneur, you?

going Dutch

Many apologies for the hiatus in posting, but I was traveling for a bit over the past few weeks. Not to worry, though - my cheesy mission did not go uninterrupted!

After a three-city tour through Amsterdam, Berlin and Copenhagen, I discovered that hands down, the Dutch do cheese best. Could it have been the drug-induced haze that simply made their dairy delights taste like the most wondrous things on earth? Regardless of whether the sensory experience was heightened by THC or not, all I know is, shit was mad tasty.

One prime example was a 2-euro brick of young cheese made with mustard seeds (!), pictured above - "mostard kaas." This mild Dutch cheese was quite a treat, to say the least, with it's subtle mustardy flavor that was neither overkill nor went undetected. So much of a treat, in fact, that after a morning wake-up call at The Bulldog, three of us finished off the entire block of cheese within a mere six hours. (Thanks, space cakes!)

We got the cheese at Amsterdam's busiest outdoor market, which also sold other foods for ridiculously cheap prices (like a bag of goji berries for a mere 3 euros!).

Sweet things

Could be the PMS / intermittent bouts of lactose intolerance talking here, but sometimes I get sick of people thinking I'm some cheese-obsessed looney with a slab of Babybel always hanging out the side of my mouth or something. So let's switch to desserts that'll leave your sweet tooth and cheese tooth satisfied, whatever your mood.

When you're feeling...

Sassy & chic: Lola's red velvet cupcakes at Selfridges. These fluffy, perfectly sweet little gems are topped with an equally perfect cream cheese frosting, in terms of taste, texture and quantity. Available in normal size (£2) or bite-size (£1) varieties, make sure to snatch these up (as the girl behind the counter advised me) before the 7pm rush, when then they fly off the shelves like blazin' red hotcakes. Check out more flavors at lolas-kitchen.co.uk.

Like a pauper: Gu chocolate & vanilla cheesecakes. Soft cream cheese, rich Belgian chocolate & crumbly biscuit all in one handy lil' glass ramekin you can use forever and evermore, for anything from paintbrush rinsing to amoeba farming. Available at your local supermarket (try Tesco or Sainsbury's), £2.99 for a package of two.

Luxurious: Pair some high-end chocolates from Vosges Haut-Chocolat with their suggested cheese companions. Try Rooster dark chocolate truffle (Tallegio cheese + organic walnuts + Tahitian vanilla bean) and Tallegio, for instance, or Olio d'Oliva white chocolate truffle (extra virgin first-press olive oil + dried kalamata olives) + Latbri Bianco Sottobosco Italian cow + goat's milk cheese studded with black truffles. Go to vosgeschocolate.com to order some fancy truffle collections and more.

Totes Cool

Perfect for hitting up the market or grocery store for all your cheesy necessities in eco-friendly style! This Macaroni and Cheese tote bag is 100% cotton with a squared-off bottom (20"w x 14.5" h x 4.5"d) and comes in four colors; $25-30, zazzle.com.

Hello, Wisconsin!

Something stinky is just around the corner...The World Championship Cheese Contest in Madison, Wisconsin! For those of you lucky enough to be near the cheese-drenched city March 16-18, participate in the dairy delights along with cheese- and butter-makers from around the world.

Cheese on the Street 02.22.10

What's your favorite cheese, and why?

"Depends on where you're using it. Cheddar on a sandwich, buffalo mozzarella for a pizza, goat's cheese on a toastie, and any blue cheese on a baguette." - Rich, 24

Cheesoscope of the Month: Pisces

Pisces (February 20 - March 20): Compassion, kindness, and imagination run through your veins. You are highly adaptive and malleable, which, unfortunately, often means you are easily led and can be weak-willed at times. But not to worry. Blue looks good on you, and you're naturally drawn to the sea. You'll feel right at home with some blue cheese, typically washed with brine, which you'll enjoy using your creativity with in both sweet and savory dishes.

Cheese Dreams Are Made of These: Smoked Gouda

Connie: My dream was work-related. I was in this weird salon/cave-like setting and a bunch of my co-workers were there. What stood out the most was that the colors in my dream were all muted—lots of dark purples and greys.

Emmy: Big bugs kept landing on me, and I kept losing my belongings in a dark elevated train station. Colors were very vivid—almost more so than they should be in real life, like a bold purple umbrella and dark blue blazer.

Conclusion: Gouda may inspire your inner artist.

Cheese Dreams Are Made of These: Blue Cheese

Sam: My family was on a bus and we got off at a rest stop. After we got back on, another family had taken our seats. My father got really upset and demanded our seats back. The other family claimed that these were not the etiquette rules of the bus. This went back and forth for some time. I kept trying to reason with them and tell them how much it would just calm my father down if they moved their seats. Eventually they got up and moved to the back of the bus. 2nd part of dream: My friend and I started dating these two guys, and I kept catching them hitting on other girls. This bothered me, and I was starting to realize that this guy was a douche. Then my friend told me that he had turned into a vampire. I didn't want to believe it. As he was about to turn around so I could check out if he had fangs I woke up. Sabrina: I was at a restaurant in a high-rise hotel. Some woman invited me and another girl—because she was trying to figure out which one of us she was going to poison. Turns out, she was supposed to actually kill me because I was a spy of some sort. Conclusion: Blue cheese = nightmare central. Save it for early lunches, unless you consider yourself a particularly brave soul.

Cheese Dreams Are Made of These: Monterey Jack

Connie: I am at an old job and I get fired and start crying and for some reason I am wearing a tie and I keep adjusting it, but I can literally feel myself adjusting this tie. Then I'm in my room having a party and Judah Freidlander is there doing coke and he gives me some which I rub on my teeth and my whole face goes numb. The weird part of this dream was that it was one of those dreams where you feel everything as if it were real. Like I felt myself crying and being numb.

Conclusion: Monterey Jack makes you dream of celebrities and drugs. Cool!

Cheese Dreams Are Made of These: Pecorino Romano

Morgan: It was snowing out, I was in Oregon, and I was trying to catch a school bus. However, you had to pay to ride it per the number of stops you had to travel. I only had the money to pay for one stop, so I was running through the snow behind the bus until it was one stop away from mine. That way I'd only have to pay for that one last stop. At which I would get right back off. Retarded.

Conclusion: Pecorino Romano makes you dream about being poor.

Coming soon...

Cheese Dreams Are Made of These - Part I of a series!

We've all heard the old wives' tale that cheese gives you nightmares. But is there any truth to it, or was this just some clever scheme engineered by first-generation vegans? We sent our Dream Team out on a cheese challenge to discover just how different types of fromage influenced their slumber. The first results of our very non-scientific experiment, where our subjects ate significant portions of said cheese before drifting off, coming to you this Monday.

Be astounded.

(That being said, have any of you had a spooktastic sleep after a cheese-drenched dinner? Please, tell all!)

Cheese on the Street 01.30.10

What's your favorite cheese, and why?

"Definitely Babybel. It's just a handy cute little tasty treat for a savoury person like me." -Ariane, 26

Kitchen Fromagerie?

Just before bed last night, I was flipping through the pages of my all-time favorite magazine and bible to life, BUST, when I totally cheesed my pants. No, no - it wasn't my usual porn-to-beat-insomnia routine, but rather this amazing little gem here: a Deluxe DIY Cheese Kit ($50)!! From Mozzarella to Chevre to Queso Blanco, you can easily turn your kitchen into a spectacular cheese-making paradise. And as an alternative to animal rennet in cheese making, try vegetarian rennet tablets ($7), also sold by the ingenious folks over at UrbanCheeseCraft.

And why not bask in your cheesy little obsession with a loved one as a thoughtful DIY Valentine's Day treat? Heart-shaped cheese mold, $12.

Rain Check

In a perfect world, it would rain Asiago. Alas, for now, you'll have to settle for shielding yourself against the elements with this bad boy. £16 ($26.50); houseofspoons.spreadshirt.co.uk.

Cheeseoscope of the Month: Aquarius

Aquarius (January 21 - February 19):

You're an independent spirit with strong convictions and an honest, loyal character. Sometimes, though, you have a tendency to become a temporary loner and dislike interference by others, accepting it only on your own terms. Much like fresh buffalo mozzarella, which works lovely unaccompanied—though you may want snack on it drizzled in a bit of olive oil.

Cheese That's No Bull

Feeling lavish? Try some moose cheese, made in Bjursholm, Sweden, from only three female moose (aka cows)—namely, Gullan, Haelga and Juna. Husband and wife Christer and Ulla Johansson claim their 59-acre dairy farm "Moose House" is the only farm of its kind in Europe. Because the moose produce milk between May and September, and it takes up to two hours to milk each one for up to just a gallon of milk a day, the price for this rare cheese is a hefty one: up to $500 per pound (£600/kilo)! It's sold primarily to upscale Swedish hotels and restaurants, but its three varieties can also be sampled at the farm's restaurant. The farm attracts nearly 25,000 visitors a year and plans to export the cheese.

Cheese Through the Years

"Cheese may arouse disgust or fascination," writes Andrew Dalby, in his new title, Cheese: A Global History (Reaktion Books, 2009). A colorful and thorough exploration of the origins of cheese in its many manifestations across the world, the title manages to make learning about history fun—as it should be, when it comes to cheese. This is assisted in part by entertaining illustrations and photographs (such as my personal favorites: the random "British girls enjoying cheese" photo from 1941, and the "cheese mite memorial" statute of Wurchwitz, which contains samples of Milbenkase for visitors to eat), and a selection of archaic recipes, like the one for (savory) cheese-cakes from 1642. Did you know: Camels'-milk cheese has been made in Egypt and Somalia for 2,000 years? Or the oldest known surviving cheese is a 5,000-year-old variety from Egypt? Or that some types of aged European cheese may (legally) contain cheese mites? Well, now you do, so maybe you dont need to read the book after all. Sorry!

Cheese on the Street 1.11.10

What's your favorite cheese, and why?

The cheese from Kraft Mac & Cheese. There's no other cheese like it, but the problem is, you can't have the cheese on its own!

-Jessica, 22

Coolest Cheese Invention of All Time?

The cheese-filtered cigarette (see actual patent illustration below). In 1966, one kooky fella, who claimed that cigarettes at the time didn't filter enough tar and nicotine, discovered that cheese did quite the efficient job. Question: Where is this man today, and will he marry me? Now, you too, can make your very own cheese-filted cig! It's easy: Use a hard cheese, grate into small pieces and mix with one-third part charcoal. The charcoal helps absorb cheese oil and keeps the filter from getting all stinky before it reaches your lips. Anyone who wouldn't take up smoking to try this is insane.

French Dressing

Communicate your love for cheese, the French, photography, or the color yellow in this sweet "Dis Fromage!" (aka "Say Cheese," you uncultured peabrains) T-shirt, sure to have that creepy guy at the bar question you about one of the aforementioned topics. $26.50 (£15); delias.com.